Ever had one of those days where one thing really gets you down and
then all of a sudden, everything you've turned the other cheek to brings
on the flood-rains? I had one of those days recently. Don't get me
wrong, it takes A LOT to get me down. And I mean a lot. I know that I
am a very strong person because of what I have gone through in my young
life. I carry a lot around on my shoulders and always try to stay
positive because what's the point of living life sad or scared? So I
figured I would share what I went through the other day, and what it
took to get me back on track. It felt important to share it for some
reason, so I don't know, maybe there's someone who really needs to hear
what I have to say so it can influence them in some way. So bear with
me :)) And, yes, I will get to the lions!
Many of you
know that I work retail at Cherry Republic a couple days of the week.
The rest of the time I'm out painting and teaching art and working in a
gallery in my favorite place (as of yet) on Earth - Elk Rapids,
Michigan. I love my days at Cherry Republic and the people I work with
there. I don't have much of a social life because I work so much, so I
get much of that fulfillment in the land of cherries. I was having an
absolutely wonderful day, when I said something I shouldn't have to a
customer. We were trying to make conversation because our credit card
machines were being so slow and so we asked the woman at the register
what she had bought at Chico's (a clothing store) and she explained her
purchase and that she probably had gone overboard. And I remarked, "Is
your husband going to say 'oohhh, what did you get now?'" It was meant
to be funny, but I knew right away that I had hit a fresh wound. Her
reply was, "He won't say anything." I of course apologized right away
and was mentally punching myself. She didn't say anything after that as
we completed her purchase. I have to admit I started crying right
there in front of her. My grandmother and I had been talking about
Grandpa quite a lot lately and it immediately made me think of him and
how lonely Grandma is. So many thoughts ran through my head, like how
this woman's husband had probably passed away recently and she was
trying to have a nice day to forget a little. To make a long story
short, I felt horrible. I had to go into the back to get a hold of
myself. Thank God, I only had about a half hour left of my shift.
When
I got home, Mom was just leaving for a couple hours so I decided to
take Eli (my awesome dog) on a walk. He loves walks and going down to
the beach so he can run out in the open for a while. I also took him to
the dog park so he could play with some doggie friends which he REALLY
loved. He was tuckered out by the time we got home. But that whole
walk I had time to think and brood about unresolved or fresh wounds.
First of all, the Grandpa wound was opened pretty fresh from the
reminder earlier that day. Eric being moved away from home for his
first year at college. Marian is all the way in Colorado chasing after
horses and living the wild life in the mountains. Sioned is in Alaska
living on a boat for months at a time studying invertebrates and
furthering her career as a biologist. And Jess is in Florida interning
at Disney World, having the time of her life (whom I can't wait to visit
down there in a month). Chris is all the way in Indiana working his
butt off (although we have done really well with the long distance).
All of my very greatest friends are far away from me. And then I have a
few friends that live not two minutes from me that seem to not want
anything to do with me, who don't return calls or texts or any other
means to communicate. Needless to say, my social life is at an ultimate
zero right now. I do work about 50 hours a week which takes up a huge
chunk of time, but the money is needed to save save save. So I guess
you catch my point about being mopey. I got really down on myself and
was punishing myself really hard, which is VERY unlike me.
I
got home and pretty much broke when I got to talk to Chris. He lifted
me back up again; I am so thankful for him in my life, he is my rock.
But once we finished talking I broke again. And it took my mommy to
make everything bad go away. It's funny how moms always know how to
make everything better, no matter how bad things are they always know
just the right thing to say. She explained to me that I DO have
friends, they are all fulfilling their dreams just like I am. I am just
doing it closer to home for the time being. And even though we don't
get to talk too often, our friendship never goes away. She told me how
important it is to have goals in life, and I happen to have a really
really BIG goal approaching that I am making happen all by myself. And
life after college is hard. So very hard. All there is is work now
(until husband and my own family happen in a few years), and working all
the time is different. It's a big adjustment. The most important
thing she said was that friends come and go. And, yes, it hurts when
ones you thought would be there for the long haul flake out. But it's
the good ones who stay and we must always ALWAYS look ahead, never
behind. Chris, Jess, Sioned, Marian, and many others will always be
there, and there will be new friends in the future. I have a few
newfound friends just in the past couple weeks (coworkers at Cherry
Republic). We have fun talking in accents and giggling like children.
And then there are my plans. My big goal. Africa.
Lions. And TIGERS! Drakenstein is adopting two tigers from a zoo that
is closing in the southern cape. It's going to be exciting to not only
hear lions talk at night, but be able to walk next to tigers and hear
them chuff in greeting (but hopefully not sassily spray at me). I also
read something about chimps and a few other animals that will be joining
the Drakenstein family. I will be in heaven. I'm thinking about
writing a book about my time in Italy and Scotland while I am in Africa
since I will have a lot of time on my hands. I journaled and blogged my
whole time in Europe and went through some serious life changes that I
kind of want to write more in depth about. Who knows, I might write a
book about Africa too :)) I've also started thinking about my life
after Africa. Buying a new car (Honda all the way, people!), moving to
Tennessee to keep working with big cats (MAYBE - don't panic, nothing is
final). Keep painting to raise awareness about the problem with canned
hunting of big cats not only in Africa but also right here in our ever
so flawed country. My future is bright and in God's hands. And THAT is
what is in the forefront of my mind.
TTFN (ta ta for now), Tiggers truly are wonderful things :))
~K~
p.s. This is Edina, whom I cannot wait to meet - her face is so unique
